Fantasy Veggie Dinners – Prince

Prince is, in fact, a vegetarian already.

Knowing that he is an eccentric, I don’t think I would waste my time by trying to serve him any usual main course. Instead, knowing that he likes to be spoilt and made a fuss of (and that his minder always has to taste one first), I think fairy cakes would be the logical answer. Especially these purple ones.

Lavender Buns

Should make 12.

125g/ 4oz caster sugar

125g/ 4oz self-raising flour

125g/ 4 oz butter

2tbsp fresh lavender flowers

2 free-range eggs

2tbsp milk

350 g/ 12oz icing sugar

Purple (or a combination of red and blue) food colouring

Mix the lavender flowers with the sugar and flour in a food processor. Pass through a sieve and throw away any of the rough flowers which are left.

Add butter and eggs and mix until smooth.

Place 12 bun cases in a bun tray and spoon the mixture into the bun cases.

Bake for about 15 minutes until they have risen. Place on a wire rack to cool.

Sift the icing sugar into a bowl and mix with 4-6 tbsp of cold water. Add food colouring to stain it a purple colour.

When the buns are cool, spread the icing over them. 

If NICK CAVE were Vegetarian...

Nick Cave has always been too concerned with death and evil to be embraced by the establishment, although by not engaging with his vision means missing out on his intense but beautiful lyrics.

I have an on-going debate with my brother as to whether song lyrics can ever be referred to as poetry. He says no.  I submit ‘God is in the House’ as Exhibit One.

But for this entry I take you back to where it all began. Cave formed ‘The Birthday Party’ as an early outlet for his genius.

So, in homage to that, I would prepare a Retro Veggie Birthday Party. Here are two ideas:

CHEESE AND PINEAPPLE HEDGEHOG

Serves as many as you like:

1large tin pineapple chunks, drained

500g cheddar cheese

Half grapefruit

Cut cheese into chunks the same size as the pineapple. Put cocktail sticks through one piece of cheese and one chunk of pineapple. Stick into upturned grapefruit half for hedgehog effect.

MINI BLACK FOREST GATEAUX

Serves 4

3-4 mini chocolate brownies per person

cherries in syrup or kirsch

200 ml double cream

1 bar dark chocolate, grated

Set out 4 tumblers or dessert glasses.

Layer up the chocolate brownies with a few spoonfuls of cherries.

Top each with a good dollop of cream and sprinkle over the grated chocolate.

SPINACH PANCAKES WITH SPRING ONIONS, RED PEPPER AND CASHEW NUTS

For all those who, like Findus, are worried about what goes into their pancakes and in anticipation of Shrove Tuesday:

125g plain flour

1 free range egg

300ml skimmed milk

175g cooked spinach, blanched and drained.

Olive oil

1 red pepper, de-seeded and chopped

75g soft cheese

4 spring onions, finely chopped

60g cashew nuts

125g mozzarella

Salt and pepper

Sift flour into a blender. Add the egg and milk. Blend until smooth.

Add the spinach and blend again.

Heat oil and gently fry the red pepper until soft. Take off heat and allow to cool.

Combine red pepper with soft cheese, spring onions and cashew nuts. Season with salt and pepper.

Brush a frying pan with oil. Heat and add a ladle-full of pancake batter. Cook and turn to cook evenly on other side. Keep warm and repeat for remaining pancakes.

Fill the pancakes with the cheese mixture. Roll them up and place them in a baking dish. Cut the mozzarella into cubes and scatter over the top.

Bake at 180C/ Gas 4 for about 15 minutes. 

If ROSEANNE were Vegetarian…

Roseanne plays an important part in my memories of the 90s. Her show used to be on at tea-time when I got home from work. I started watching it out of interest; I continued watching it out of habit. Now that it is all over and I am reliving it on DVD I truly appreciate it. The title sequence always depicted the family enjoying a take-away meal together.

SUCH AN EASY VEGGIE PIZZA

8oz self raising flour

2 fl oz olive oil

4 warm water

2 tbsp tomato puree

1tbsp sweetcorn

1tbsp chopped pepper

2 mushrooms, sliced

1 small red onion, chopped

Mix water and oil.

Add to flour to make a dough. Knead until supple and then roll out.

Spread tomato puree over the top.

Cover with peppers, mushrooms , onion and sweetcorn.

Sprinkle cheese over the top.

Cook at 180 for about 20 mins.

If VINCENT VEGA AND JULES WINNFIELD were Vegetarian…

One of the best scenes from Pulp Fiction is when Vincent and Jules visit Brett. (As a side note, Brett is played by the magnificent Frank Whaley, one of the most under-rated actors in the entire history of cinema.)

Jules states that he is ‘almost vegetarian’ as his girlfriend does not eat meat. Perhaps this one would compete with the ‘Big Kahuna Burger’ he tastes in the film.

SWEET POTATO BURGERS

1 large sweet potato

400g potatoes

1 red pepper

½ tsp chopped fresh chillies

2tbsp fresh coriander, chopped

150g breadcrumbs

1 carrot, coarsely grated

Olive oil for frying

Burger buns – 1 per person

Chop and roast red pepper

Peel sweet potatoes and potatoes. Cut into chunks and boil until tender. Drain well and mash.

Finely chop red pepper and add to the mashed potato with the chillies and coriander, seasoning well.

Stir in half the breadcrumbs and the carrot to make a soft dough.

Mix well and shape into burgers

Coat each burger in the remaining crumbs.

Heat oil in pan and fry 2-3 mins each side until golden.

Serve in burger buns.

Fantasy Veggie Dinners – CAPTAIN BEEFHEART

Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart was a musician, artist and free-thinker. He ended his years, secluded in a trailer home in the Mojave Desert, and devoted his time to painting sand and sidewinders.

Dave would love 'The Captain' came to dinner. He, so he says, would ask him if it were true that during the rehearsals for ‘Trout Mask Replica’ he really let a monkey meander across the piano and then made his poor keyboard player learn it note for note.

On his album ‘Doc at a Radar Station’ an instrumental track entitled ‘A Carrot is as Close to as a Rabbit Gets to a Diamond’ provides the inspiration for this sweet treat, an adaptation of a recipe from The Australian Women’s Weekly. (it is easy to follow, even if you are used to using metric or imperial).

Makes 2 cakes – cut into diamonds for maximum effect if serving to ‘The Captain’.

SOUR CREAM CARROT CAKE

For the Cake

1 cup wholemeal self-raising flour

1 cup white plain flour

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp nutmeg

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup sunflower oil

4 eggs

½ cup sour cream

3 cups grated carrot (about 4 carrots)

For the Cream Cheese Frosting

60g packaged cream cheese

30g butter

1tsp grated lemon rind

1 ½ cups icing sugar

Sift flours, cinnamon and nutmeg into a large bowl. Add brown sugar and oil. Mix well.

Put eggs and sour cream into a separate bowl. Beat well. Add to the flour mixture. Mix until smooth.

Add the grated carrot and mix well.

Pour into 2 greased and lined loaf tins.

Bake at 180C for about 45 mins

Stand for a few minutes. Turn onto a wire rack and allow to cool fully.

Top with cream cheese frosting.